MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

Act 3 Scene 1

(Enter Hero and two gentlewomen, Margaret and Ursula)
l1l	Hero	 Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour.
l2l		There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
l3l		Proposing with the Prince and Claudio.
l4l		Whisper her ear, and tell her I and Ursula
l5l		Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse
l6l		Is all of her. Say that thou overheard’st us,
l7l		And bid her steal into the pleachèd bower
l8l		Where honeysuckles, ripened by the sun,
l9l		Forbid the sun to enter—like favourites
l10l		Made proud by princes, that advance their pride
l11l		Against that power that bred it. There will she hide her
l12l		To listen our propose. This is thy office.
l13l		Bear thee well in it, and leave us alone.
l14l	Margaret	I’ll make her come, I warrant you, presently.
		( 14 Exit)
l15l	Hero	 Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,
l16l		As we do trace this alley up and down
l17l		Our talk must only be of Benedick.
l18l		When I do name him, let it be thy part
l19l		To praise him more than ever man did merit.
l20l		My talk to thee must be how Benedick
l21l		Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter
l22l		Is little Cupid’s crafty arrow made,
l23l		That only wounds by hearsay.
		(Enter Beatrice)
		 Now begin,
l24l		For look where Beatrice like a lapwing runs
l25l		Close by the ground to hear our conference.
l26l	Ursula	The pleasant’st angling is to see the fish
l27l		Cut with her golden oars the silver stream
l28l		And greedily devour the treacherous bait.
l29l		So angle we for Beatrice, who even now
l30l		Is couchèd in the woodbine coverture.
l31l		Fear you not my part of the dialogue.
l32l	Hero	Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
l33l		Of the false-sweet bait that we lay for it.—
		(They approach Beatrice's hiding-place)
l34l		No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful.
l35l		I know her spirits are as coy and wild
l36l		As haggards of the rock.
	Ursula	But are you sure
l37l		That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
l38l	Hero	So says the Prince and my new trothèd lord.
l39l	Ursula	And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
l40l	Hero	They did entreat me to acquaint her of it,
l41l		But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
l42l		To wish him wrestle with affection
l43l		And never to let Beatrice know of it.
l44l	Ursula	Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman
l45l		Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
l46l		As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
l47l	Hero	O god of love! I know he doth deserve
l48l		As much as may be yielded to a man.
l49l		But nature never framed a woman’s heart
l50l		Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice.
l51l		Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
l52l		Misprising what they look on, and her wit
l53l		Values itself so highly that to her
l54l		All matter else seems weak. She cannot love,
l55l		Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
l56l		She is so self-endearèd.
	Ursula	Sure, I think so.
l57l		And therefore certainly it were not good
l58l		She knew his love, lest she’ll make sport at it.
l59l	Hero	Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
l60l		How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,
l61l		But she would spell him backward. If fair-faced,
l62l		She would swear the gentleman should be her sister.
l63l		If black, why nature, drawing of an antic,
l64l		Made a foul blot. If tall, a lance ill headed#
l65l		If low, an agate very vilely cut#
l66l		If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds#
l67l		If silent, why, a block movèd with none.
l68l		So turns she every man the wrong side out,
l69l		And never gives to truth and virtue that
l70l		Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.
l71l	Ursula	Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
l72l	Hero	No, not to be so odd and from all fashions
l73l		As Beatrice is cannot be commendable.
l74l		But who dare tell her so? If I should speak
l75l		She would mock me into air, O, she would laugh me
l76l		Out of myself, press me to death with wit.
l77l		Therefore let Benedick, like covered fire,
l78l		Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly.
l79l		It were a better death than die with mocks,
l80l		Which is as bad as die with tickling.
l81l	Ursula	Yet tell her of it, hear what she will say.
l82l	Hero	No. Rather I will go to Benedick
l83l		And counsel him to fight against his passion.
l84l		And truly, I’ll devise some honest slanders
l85l		To stain my cousin with. One doth not know
l86l		How much an ill word may empoison liking.
l87l	Ursula	O, do not do your cousin such a wrong.
l88l		She cannot be so much without true judgement,
l89l		Having so swift and excellent a wit
l90l		As she is prized to have, as to refuse
l91l		So rare a gentleman as Signor Benedick.
l92l	Hero	He is the only man of Italy,
l93l		Always excepted my dear Claudio.
l94l	Ursula	I pray you be not angry with me, madam,
l95l		Speaking my fancy. Signor Benedick,
l96l		For shape, for bearing, argument, and valour
l97l		Goes foremost in report through Italy.
l98l	Hero	Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.
l99l	Ursula	His excellence did earn it ere he had it.
l100l		When are you married, madam?
l101l	Hero	Why, every day, tomorrow. Come, go in.
l102l		I’ll show thee some attires and have thy counsel
l103l		Which is the best to furnish me tomorrow.
l104l	Ursula	(aside)
		 She’s limed, I warrant you. We have caught her, madam.
l105l	Hero	(aside)
		 If it prove so, then loving goes by haps.
l106l		Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
		(Exeunt Hero and Ursula)
l107l	Beatrice	(coming forward)
		 What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
l108l		Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much?
l109l		Contempt, farewell# and maiden pride, adieu.
l110l		No glory lives behind the back of such.
l111l		And, Benedick, love on. I will requite thee,
l112l		Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
l113l		If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
l114l		To bind our loves up in a holy band.
l115l		For others say thou dost deserve, and I
l116l		Believe it better than reportingly.
		(Exit)